I remember feeling that way. In fact,in the beginning I remember begging God to show me a videotape of my husband with the strippers because I couldn’t really believe it was true. I never saw a videotape, but I spent three years of staggered discovery til both the therapists and I thought we had an accurate picture of all he had done. At the end of those 3.5 years I learned I never had learned it all. He punked every therapist he ever saw as well a me. He won’t tell you because he gets off on the secrets. People maintain secret lives because they can, it’s a form of power and abuse. I’m sorry. In my experience, I will never know and the lies have never stopped. I’m no contact with the father of my kids, but I still occasionally have what I call the “creeping charlie experience.” It happens when I stumble on one thing and find out it is really connected to something I didn’t understand before. The lies don’t stop because thats part of the high for the abuser. I’m sorry for your pain. I know it sucks.