• In my experience it doesn’t work. Consequences might work it there were any. There are almost no behavioral consequences for him. You will be paying for his hooker habit and dealing with the trauma of sleeping in the same house with an abuser.

    I spent three years in couples therapy, private therapy, supporting his attendence at 12 step groups.…[Read more]

  • Hi Riee,
    The old “I’m going to die if I don’t have sex” rationale. Rest assurred…he will not die if he doesn’t ejaculate daily. 4 days is barely enough to get over a cold, much less the betrayal of your primary relationship. I’m more worried about you. You mind and body are telling you that you don’t want to have sex. Honor that. Don’t. You…[Read more]

  • Hi Debbie,
    I’m so sorry for the trauma and shock you are experiencing. I remember the overwhelming feelings of surrealism. I woke everyday thinking I was in a real nightmare. I had to learn to physically ground myself by trying to feel each indivdual tow on the floor to stop the swirling thoughts and feelings of terror. My mind literally couldn’t…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted an update 6 months ago

    Heartbroken 17,
    I remember feeling that way. In fact,in the beginning I remember begging God to show me a videotape of my husband with the strippers because I couldn’t really believe it was true. I never saw a videotape, but I spent three years of staggered discovery til both the therapists and I thought we had an accurate picture of all he had…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Yes. In hind site I attribute it to my process of coming out of the fog. Once they know that you know they are an addict the same tricks don’t work anymore and it causes irritablity. Imagine having a husband like mine who sucessfully lied to me daily for DECADES and then one day I didn’t believe everything he told me. Communication problems? Damn…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Happy Mother’s Day! Sorry you are dealing with this shit show on a day that was intended to show appreciation for female gifts. I had the same experience as you for years. I was told the same thing by counselors. Talk… talk …talk…we did. I eradicated swears from my vocab, lest I trigger his shame. Eventually no swearing morphed into any…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    It is soo hard. But I can tell you after 23 years married and more together eventually your smile will return. I’ve been divorced about 1.5 years. No contact for 3. Both my girls (17,19) have remarked we are having more moments of joy. They are still fleeting and muddled by navigating a blown up life but they are appearing more frequently. It…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi Kathy,
    I’m sorry you are walking through life with these questions rolling around in your mind. I originally learned my husband of 23 years was “just viewing pornography” when my daughter found a porn stash. I spent the next three years learning slowly, gradually, painfully, that the deception was deeper than that. First it was porn and strip…[Read more]

  • Dolores.. I have been where you’re at. It sucks. The big take away for me is that the possibility of a personality disorder is seldom if ever even presented as a hypothesis for this pattern of behavior. It should be. Most of the people treating these “Sex addicts” never practice any differential diagnosis. They don’t refer out. They treat the…[Read more]

  • I’m so sorry. If you don’t share children,legal, financial issues, i.e. no mitigating factors this is really an opportunity. I flat out think you deserve better. The separate spaces is a great start. Space creates clarity.

    I heard all those things too. It just depends on what kind of life you want to live. I couldn’t feel myself and live that…[Read more]

  • It’s hell on earth. It helps to think long term for yourself and your children. I tried recovery for three and a half years and actually I was fooled into believing things were improving by both my X and therapists. I wanted to believe he chose our life. Years and money thrown down the drain. The gift of that is I know I tried everything. That is…[Read more]

  • Dottie, You are not ignorant at all. Being the partner of a “sex addict” is a confusing space to live in. I remember that bomb blowing up my life as well. Joann is asserting that sex addiction is a catch-all phrase used to simplify the form of abuse you have experienced and in turn give you unrealistic hope. Sex addiction is most likely a set of…[Read more]

  • shamrockv2-0 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi Peggy,
    I’m sorry for all the trauma you have gone through. It sounds like living alone may be some welcome respite. If you have concerns about your x and safety it’s always better to be cautious. The anxiety of living with men who lie so often makes you feel crazy. The more distance you can get the more your nervous system will begin to calm…[Read more]

    • Thanks Beth, I don’t know how to do alone. I’m still traumatized by JOHNs abandonment. I lost all my family in 5 years. My neice Rene and I were very close. She died of breast cancer at 38. Then my Mom passed after 8 years paralyzed from a stroke, and my Sister from breast cancer. The rest of my family is in Ohio. I never met any of them, but my…[Read more]

      • oh, and sense I’m spilling my guts here, my house is full of Walmart Puffer Fish I save, and campaign to stop them from stocking them in their stores. I care very much about this. I rehabbed and rehomed over 300. Currently have 64 for adoption. Walmart has been the hardest nut to crack. I have to work store by phone and letter store by store, and…[Read more]

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