• peggy thomas posted an update in the group Group logo of Domestic AbuseDomestic Abuse 1 year, 2 months ago

    Hi, I joined all these groups because I couldnt choose. I realy like this format JoAnn has here. It’s easy to use and I hope this takes off.
    I told my story in the sex abuse group, but I’m posting it here to for anyone who comes in. I hope it helps get things going.
    I just sent this to JoAnn and thought I’d throw it out for the group too.
    I became aware that I am living in an emotional, mental, and physically abusive relationship with a speed porn addict about 3 years ago. I was in the process of divorcing the last asshole ( call him JOHN) who blew through here 7 years ago, and never finished it. Now I need to get on with that, and get this guy ( RHODES) outa here too. Problem is, I have PTSD so bad I don’t even know how screwed up I am. I just got a grip on it last night while watching a documentary about institutionalized children in china. I related my inability to think to these kids who are thrown out into the world at 18 without being trained how to live independently. I suddenly know I’ve been living with brain damage brought on from years of just trying to avoid JOHNs disappointment in his own life. JOHN walked out on me Sept 23 2011 and refused to stop harassing me day and night, so I let my new found friend from FaceBook, RHODES, move in to keep him away from me. I had never lived alone and was terrified. JOHN had verbally abused me for 10 years and gaslighted me into not trusting myself. I couldn’t think or even dress myself and needed help functioning to keep my job. I threw myself at RHODES and clung on. As our relationship evolved I grew to love and trust him. He is a high functioning aspie and usually kind and sensitive, except when his porn is threatened. I was conditioned by JOHN not to tread where I wasn’t welcome, so I didn’t go nuts when I first found Rhodes had an amassed a huge list of porn starlets names. This list was so long and written on an old notebook. I understood he came with the issue, so I didn’t take it personally. I even agreed to giving him 30 minutes alone when he came home to “unwind” before talking to him about the day. Anything to keep him happy, anything to keep the peace. I am an child of the 70’s, so that was my only frame of reference, you know, back when women were women and had pub’s. I tried not to trip on it. I was in top physical condition all my life so I wasn’t threatened by the latest Cosmo version of what womens bodys are supposed to look like. I found more than just women’s body’s are being manipulated, ultimately, all our minds, our whole social network has been corrupted. I found the old laptop he was using in his room where he had 4 browsers loaded all with as many as 20 pages all ANAL hidden. I checked the history and saw he was looking at as many as 3 images a minute for hours on end. I didn’t dare ask him what this was all about. I googled it and found out about high speed porn addiction. I tryed to talk to him about it and he got angry, so I backed off. It escalated to the point I never saw him anymore. He wouldn’t come down from his room until 2 am. I researched internet porn and found out about human trafficking. The videos tout such tag lines as TEENAGE GANG BANG, and ANAL WHORES GALORE, which is highly offensive to any sensible human being, The fact that these are young women who are being hurt for the pleasure of invisible men demanding more and more at a mouse click, sent me over the edge and I tore up his room and destroyed his drives and computers and confiscated his phone. Women have learned that to be accepted, they must be exploit worthy, and men’s minds have been hijacked to abandon their sisters, to go jack it in private. The speed porn experiment began with the invention of high speed internet service, which delivers never ending pornographic images of ever increasing violent intensity. I just found out he has been using MY phone when I wasn’t paying attention. I’m such a dummy I never thought he’d stoop to this. I’ve served him an eviction notice, have been playing Catharine MacKinnon on Youtube at full volume for the last 3 days. I need support.
    Hope this helps get this party started. Thanks.

    • Wow Peggy, What a story u have. Thanks for posting. U r not a dummy. I felt the same way till I found this site and watched the video’s. We are not anything they told us we were. We are survivors.


I'm not around right now but you can send me an email and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. JoAnn


©2019 JoAnn Russell RN, MS

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