• Erica posted an update in the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    So my husband is going to counseling for his addiction however I am still dealing with so much… sometimes his comments trigger something and I totally shut down with him… the counselor says it’s ok to process this but I should definitely talk to him about our issues. When I do I still feel like nothing changes. I know things don’t change over night, I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions sometimes… suggestions?

    • Happy Mother’s Day! Sorry you are dealing with this shit show on a day that was intended to show appreciation for female gifts. I had the same experience as you for years. I was told the same thing by counselors. Talk… talk …talk…we did. I eradicated swears from my vocab, lest I trigger his shame. Eventually no swearing morphed into any mention of the significant consequences I and my children deal with as a result of his “addiction.” Your husband may grow adept at the talk. Mine sure did. There is no accountablity in their recovery. No financial, medical, no consequences other than you most of the time. The problem lies in the pronoun, “our.” It’s really his issue. HIS. Your’s by inheritance now. If you feel like nothing is changing, it really may be it’s not changing. Actions speak volumes, words can be manipulated as you know, I am sure. Take care of yourself and your children. FIRST.

    • Thank you for your reply… thankfully we have no children, he has two girls from the past… I guess my biggest thing I am dealing with is the triggers I get from him… I use the ‘I feel like this’ allot however he seems to focus on certain words and loses focus of the conversation. I think I need my own individual counseling, however I cannot help but feel there is something that is holding him back from opening up…. and when he triggers me I completely shut down… it feels lonely

      • You can give counseling the old “college try.” It may or may not work for you. You DEFINITELY should have some individual counseling of your own. Of course there is something holding him back from opening up: his shame, his addiction, his real feelings which he is probably hiding.

        And there’s what may hold you back: the part of you that may not be able to or want to live with the mess he has created. It’s FAIR and okay for you to feel this way. You may want desperately to fix his problems, knowing that you cannot.

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I'm not around right now but you can send me an email and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. JoAnn

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