Does specialized Sex Addiction Therapy actually work?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  shamrockv2-0 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #13362
     Debbie B 
    Participant

    In 2009 I discovered my husband was seeing hookers. I threw him out of the house, threatened to divorce him. He went into therapy and we started marriage counseling. In 2014, I caught him looking at hookers on craig’s list. He swore he was just looking, I made him sign a contract stating that if it ever happened again I’d divorce him along with a host of other promises. We stopped marriage counseling in 2015 because I didn’t think it was really making a difference. Then in June I found a $100 bill on the floor and an envelope of $600 in his briefcase (he doesn’t carry an ATM card and I give him an “allowance” that doesn’t include $100 bills). I confronted him and he told me it was just happy endings at massage parlors. I flipped out, not about the massages but about the lying. Then he confessed to spending around $6000 over the last couple of years. He has started therapy with a sex addiction specialist and claims he is 90 days “sober.” I found a spreadsheet that shows this has been going on since 2014 and he spent $26000 since then. He got his bookkeeper to cut checks off the top of his paycheck all this time. What complicates things is that he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 2006, this disease can create addictive behaviors so it’s not known whether he can control this. I would have never left him and would have stayed to care for him no matter what …. until now. I am 64 years old, I still have some good years ahead of me. If we divorce and split our assets, I will have a very limited income (as will he) … it will suck for both of us. If I stay, I am pretty sure this will recur. He swears he is really going to get clean. He goes to three twelve step groups, sees a therapist and is starting a SA therapist led support group. I can’t believe I’ve wasted these last 9 years, trying to regain trust, while all along suspecting the truth. My therapist asked me to wait at least 6 months before deciding about divorce. I’m trying .. I want to have hope … I want to believe it will be different this time. To be honest, I haven’t been a very loving wife, living with this disease sucks … he’s forgetful, sloppy, selfish and doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. Guess what, now that he’s been busted he’s acting like a good husband .. I didn’t think he was capable!!!! if this guy was going to stay I might stay, but I don’t trust that he will.

  • #13366
     Niki 
    Participant

    Sorry that has happened to you. I broke itboff a month ago. We each had our own therapist and a couples sex addiction therapist who is one of the most respected llocally. The success of therapy can only be determined by the addicts willinness to not only be 100%transparent, but to put in 1100% towards wanting to get better ir rrecovery wont work. If he is lying to hhimself then he cant be trusted to be hhonest with you or anyone else.

  • #13368
     shamrockv2-0 
    Participant

    In my experience it doesn’t work. Consequences might work it there were any. There are almost no behavioral consequences for him. You will be paying for his hooker habit and dealing with the trauma of sleeping in the same house with an abuser.

    I spent three years in couples therapy, private therapy, supporting his attendence at 12 step groups. They get the “Gentle Path” and we get the Highway to Hell. He asserted he was the victim of abuse. The therapists had weekly chances to admonish me for not trusting him. I learned he was playing us all… the entire time. The therapists cashed the checks and called it a day. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this abuse. Parkinson’s doesn’t negate abuse. 64 still has life ahead… save yourself.

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by  shamrockv2-0.

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