• Erica posted an update in the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 1 week, 2 days ago

    When a spouse has recognized they are an addict has anyone else noticed more arguments an issues with communication?

    • Yes. In hind site I attribute it to my process of coming out of the fog. Once they know that you know they are an addict the same tricks don’t work anymore and it causes irritablity. Imagine having a husband like mine who sucessfully lied to me daily for DECADES and then one day I didn’t believe everything he told me. Communication problems? Damn…[Read more]

  • Erica posted an update in the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    So my husband is going to counseling for his addiction however I am still dealing with so much… sometimes his comments trigger something and I totally shut down with him… the counselor says it’s ok to process this but I should definitely talk to him about our issues. When I do I still feel like nothing changes. I know things don’t change ove…[Read more]

    • Happy Mother’s Day! Sorry you are dealing with this shit show on a day that was intended to show appreciation for female gifts. I had the same experience as you for years. I was told the same thing by counselors. Talk… talk …talk…we did. I eradicated swears from my vocab, lest I trigger his shame. Eventually no swearing morphed into any…[Read more]

    • Erica replied 2 weeks ago

      Thank you for your reply… thankfully we have no children, he has two girls from the past… I guess my biggest thing I am dealing with is the triggers I get from him… I use the ‘I feel like this’ allot however he seems to focus on certain words and loses focus of the conversation. I think I need my own individual counseling, however I can…[Read more]

    • Hello, I’m new to all this and I’m desperate for some help and understanding… I’ve known about my husbands addiction and he is going to a sexual addiction counselor however I feel like I need to process what I am going through… some help or someone to talk to would be great…

  • Hi I’m new to this forum I think it’s an addiction brought on by mental illness although I’m not an authority to use those words in effect it is due to the fact addict becomes compartmentazed, the person dissociates like multiple personality disorder the secret sexlife they have to have a fix of they go to that they can’t control. One thing for…[Read more]

    • Larina, I know the humiliation! I think many sex addicts were sexually abused as children. My addict hubby was abused by his grandfather. I believe he has had struggles with sexual identity…as well as compulsive acting out behavior in both of his marriages and in his pervious job. It is a miracle that he has avoided serious diseases. They do…[Read more]

  • I also just joined this group and website! I have been struggling with these issues with my husband for 18 of the last 20 years. Back in the day when I first realized he had a serious problem, all I could really find information about was SA and BPD. I found some relief in a BPD forum but zero anything helpful from the SA & S-Anon…[Read more]

    • You are such a good mum, your son is very lucky. You have put up with so much.

    • Jan replied 3 weeks ago

      Thank you Angela. It has been so hard…and sometimes I have doubted whether staying was the right thing to do. He is very addicted as well as mentally disordered. It has been very difficult not to become infected with his disease. I feel like I have absorbed so much toxicity just trying to protect our son….deflected a lot too but it’s almost…[Read more]

    • Thank you Jan for your wordly advice. Yes, I left him despite being the only man I truly loved and this “one transgression”, but as you say once that trust has been broken, it is a HUGE thing. Keep your spirits up as just think in a few months time you will not have to consider your son as much and can decide to leave as he will be safe. You…[Read more]

  • Jeanny posted an update in the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 3 weeks, 3 days ago

    Story:
    After 15 years of marriage and many “ strange” discoveries on the way, year ago I got a disclosure…. don’t believe that he told me all, but more details wouldn’t make s big difference.
    The person I married, talked to about love, infidelity, family, ways to raise the kids- before I said “ I do” , completely deceived me from the start.
    Two…[Read more]

    • It is soo hard. But I can tell you after 23 years married and more together eventually your smile will return. I’ve been divorced about 1.5 years. No contact for 3. Both my girls (17,19) have remarked we are having more moments of joy. They are still fleeting and muddled by navigating a blown up life but they are appearing more frequently. It…[Read more]

  • Angela joined the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 1 month ago

    • Well, my partner of 6 years, who I was planning to marry, got caught filming his naked flatmate in the shower. What a shock, I am disgusted. He was charged as she called the police. I am new to this but it was so traumatic, no one has hurt me like this before all he says was :I don;t know why I did it! I thought he was a man of honesty and…[Read more]

  • Julie joined the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 1 month ago

    • Julie replied 1 month ago

      My story is the same. 27 years of marriage to find out in January he has been leading a double life almost 20 years. We spent time together, long walks, kayaking, movies, museums, even weekly sex. How does someone betray and lie with such ease. He was never nervous, or had a tell. I always trusted where he said he was. I even checked his phone and…[Read more]

    • Jan replied 3 weeks ago

      Angela, My advice would be to run and don’t look back. That kind of trust breach is nearly impossible to heal. If his actions are beyond his conscious control or ability to explain, they will never be subject to reason or restraint. Just GO NOW before you get any further tangled in the mess. You won’t regret it.

  • I just joined this group. I just found out that my boyfriend was diagnosed with a sex addiction we were engaged to be married and it was planed for this June. I found out in January that he had been having an affair for most of the time we were together which is about a year and a half. I am trying to work things out with him but am slowly…[Read more]

    • Hi Jean, my story is above, whilst no one can give you advice really. I just cut ties with my partner of 6 years, like you we were planning to get married. Such a shock isn’t it, I became traumatised and forgot all about the good times we had together. As a woman we like to think we are special to our man and when we discover he is being…[Read more]

  • Kathy posted an update in the group Group logo of Sex AddictionSex Addiction 1 month, 1 week ago

    Yes, I am new to the group but I do believe that my husband of 30 years was only looking at porn and that it ended there. He barely could make the time to look at a few photos on his phone let alone anything else. He admitted the problem to me many years ago and was supposedly free from it for all these years but he wasn’t, we share an email…[Read more]

    • Hi Kathy,
      I’m sorry you are walking through life with these questions rolling around in your mind. I originally learned my husband of 23 years was “just viewing pornography” when my daughter found a porn stash. I spent the next three years learning slowly, gradually, painfully, that the deception was deeper than that. First it was porn and strip…[Read more]

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